An open letter to my ex-husband


Hey there you…

Don’t worry, this is not a re-hash about all the ugly stuff. We’ve been through all that with a fine tooth comb.

This is about something I haven’t thanked you for.

For a lesson I’ve learned along the way.

For an eye opening epiphany.

And for moments of reflection that brought me to my knees.

Our relationship, the crazy, drama filled roller coaster that it has been has taught me more about myself and God and my relationship with Him than a thousand seminary classes could ever…

Some people wonder how I can forgive you.  You’ve asked me that yourself.

It wasn’t easy at first, to be honest.

I could say that I forgive you because I don’t want to carry the burdens of anger, hurt, resentment and bitterness. That’s safe and easy, but not always authentic.

The truth is I forgive you because I have no choice.

I forgive you because when I look at some of the things you’ve done to me, I see nothing but me doing the same things to God.

Remember I used to ask you sometimes (OK, a lot of times…): If you love me, why?

Why do you do this?

Why did you do that?

Why won’t you?

Why didn’t you?


I convinced myself that if I had the answers to the whys I’d feel better. I’d understand.

But the truth is, the answers to the whys are for you, not me.

I look up and I hear a gentle voice from heaven asking me: ‘Do you love me, daughter?’

Yes, Lord, I love you.

Then why?

Why do you…

Why don’t you…

Why won’t you…

Why didn’t you…

And the whys God is asking me aren’t for His peace of mind. His mind is peace. Perfect peace.

Mine is the one that’s a mess.

I need to examine deep within me.

Saying I love you is easy.

But how often do we say one thing and do another?

Once I examine my whys, I see yours in a different light.

Oh, they may be different than mine, but they stem from the same things….fear, insecurity, mistrust, unbelief, anger, pride, selfishness, rebellion.

You and I are not that different.

I accept God’s undeserved grace toward me. How do I not extend the grace He’s given me to you?

You used to talk a lot about motives.

I never gave it much thought before, but I’m looking at mine now with careful eyes.

And I’m learning more about myself with each examination.

The Bible says the Truth makes us free.

I’m learning how to seek truth in Him and with myself….and the more I do, the more free I am made.

Thank you for helping me see…

8 thoughts on “An open letter to my ex-husband

  1. I totally get it! Forgiving others benefits us more than them. I love that God also believes in “Treating others the way you want to be Treated!” If I want to keep getting Grace from God, I have to recycle the Grace He gives me by by using it on others. I love the lesson and how you found such a beautiful message in what could’ve easily been a bad situation. God Bless You Love 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am really blessed to be able to learn and grow through the words you have written. Thank you so much for sharing this blog with me and the world.


  3. Your words are truth. It is so very easy to violate the meaning of Mt 7:3. A good friend says he regularly challenges himself, “Am I in my Mt 7:3 mode?”

    Thank you for willingly allowing me to look through this window.


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